Disgusting Foods I've Eaten Since Coming To Japan

• My boss made me try a fried, dehydrated sardine, flattened to technically fall into the "chip" category. The extra crunchiness comes from the bones that are kept in for added calcium. The bag claims "bone-in for extra health!"


• A Nursery School student of mine recently went to Tokyo with his family and brought me back a bag of candies (he loves me and is now my favorite). The candies are all bite-sized rice crispy treats, only more crunchy and come in three different flavors: caramel, regular and chocolate chip. In a certain light the chocolate chips almost looked green. Because they were. I popped it in my mouth to discover it was, in fact, a seaweed flavored rice crispy treat. You want to know what two flavors don't go together? Salty-fishy-green-anything-that-comes-out-of-the-ocean and puffed rice cereal.


• We went to an izakaya (like a bar, only with more food and smoking businessmen) and allowed our boss to order a sampling of Jap pub grub. Firstly, let me just say it's a cultural faux pas to refuse food, especially when you're not paying for it. So it was with grim understanding that the thing on a stick I had just taken a bite from was chicken. The crunchy, popping in my mouth (they like crunchy, can you tell)? Cartilidge. Yeah. Yummy.


• In a moment of weakness my bodyguard and I went to Outback Steakhouse (yes, the very same) to get drinks one night. We decided to get two appetizers. At the time, the grease tasted fabulous. But burping up Bloomin' Onion at 3 a.m. was never on my agenda and so now, regardless of what continent I'm on, I shall refrain from the lip-coating grease of American chain restaurants.